Yet another pregnancy

So today I am casually scrolling through social media when I see a new post from my oldest friend. 

We have literally been friends since before we were both. Our mother’s were friends and were both pregnant at the same time with only 2 months difference between us me being the oldest. She was a big part of my life and I would like to think she still is a big part of my live. We always played together when we were younger. I used to go to her house and she would come to mine. I think we both preferred her house because she had more toys and more space to play in. We grew up together until she moved to England when she was 5. We were apart for a while and then she moved back to our home country. She moved again and after that coincedentaly we moved to England too because of financial circumstances. So in all our teenage years we grew up together. I love her more than I should maybe but she’s my oldest friend and for that I will always love her. 

So I am scrolling and I see a post from her. She had tagged her boyfriend on a post she shared. It was  picture of a man’s top and it read “Daddy 2017” then there was a phone battery half way full and underneath that said “loading”. 

So I send her a message saying how are you and also are you pregnant? She replies to me that she is ok and yes She is pregnant. Imediatly all these emotions come flooding over me. 

I’m excited for them both because obviously it’s a very big milestone in any couples live. 

I’m scared that things may not go as normal pregnancies go and something might happen to her or the baby. 

I’m happy that my longest friend is going to be a mummy. 

I’m concerned about their financial situation at the moment and worrying if they will be ok for when the baby comes. 

I’m also kind of jealous because this was an accident in their case as she was freaking out not in a good way when she found out, and me and my husband keep trying and sort of failing. 

I’m sad because my baby boy Diego isn’t here because they could play together and be childhood friends like we were. 

I’m upset because I  don’t have a family like I wanted to have by now.

It may not sound like much to some people but being a mum is just one of those things I always thought I would be. Some people would be scared at the fact that they would ever have a baby. 

She tells me that I need to keep trying and eventually it will happen. She doesn’t however see how those kind of comments hurt. It hurts because we ate trying and it hurts because I am failing. 

She is worried about her baby. She’s scared something will happen and that the baby won’t be ok. She asked me about what happened to me and Diego so she could keep an eye on herself. She is scared because someone else she knows had an abortion because her baby was going to be severely deformed and would basically die as soon as he was born she was 19 weeks pregnant. 

Too many people take pregnancy for granted. So many people have babies everyday and alot of the babies are ok but so many babies are not. There are so many risks and if you are like me you go through so many scenarios in your head that you don’t really get to enjoy pregnancy as you should. I think about the baby of how he could be born early and have problems for the rest of his/her life. I think about how the baby could be I’ll as soon as she/he is born and would have to stay in hospital. I think how it can be dangerous to the woman her self and how still to this day women die from childbirth. All the illnesses and all the conditions there are. I always worry I can’t help it. 

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