TABOO

So I was scrolling through my Facebook page today and came across a video from a t.v. show in Portugal. It was about how people don’t know how to deal with the loss of a baby. From your family members to your friends to your doctors and nurses.

There was this lady that told her account and from beginning to end I was shocked.

So she was 26 weeks pregnant and everything was fine. She had no pains, no problems. Just the week before she had had an ultrasound and everything was great. She went out for a meal with her friends and still everything was fine. The day after she went to work and felt her daughter moving around. She didn’t so much in the afternoon. She had dinner went to bed and still nothing. She brushed off and went to sleep. The following morning she woke up put the music for her baby on and she still had no movement. She now thought this was weirdasshe always moves around when music was on. She got on a cab went to the hospital and was received in emergency as here comes another mother who thinks her baby is not mooving. She got the attitude from the nurse who thought I have better things to do right now. She was searching for the babies heart beat and was struggling to find it. Lady got moved from one room to the next so She could have an ultrasound with no explanation given. The lady for the ultrasound came in together with the first nurse her assistant and 4 interns. The screen was turned away from her and no one was talking about anything to her. The lady said can you speak to me , can you tell me is everything ok with my baby? The response she got was no. Just no. What? Lady said what do you mean no, can you explain to me what is going on? Your foetus does not have a heart beat. Cold answer given to her, no emotion, no empathy nothing. That is how she found out. Just like that. With 6 different people in the room with no privacy what so ever just told simply your baby is dead, that is essentially what they said meant, with no compassion no privacy no feelings. All of a sudden without any explanation she is taken to another room where a doctor comes to her and starts telling her how she hasn’t had a day off in 3 days working long hours. How the system was not right and couldn’t carry on like that and something had to be done. She’s complaining go this poor woman whose just found out that her baby is dead that she hasn’t had a day off in 3 days??!! I understand that it is difficult for a doctor to do this but again no compassion, no feelings, no kind words like I’m so sorry this is happening to you, no thinking about how the patient is feeling. She roughly explained some of what was going to happen. She was then told look we don’t have any available beds for you tonight so you will have to go home and come back tomorrow morning where we will give you medicine to start your labour so you have a natural birth. And just like, that she was sent home. With no counselling or really understanding what was fully happening, what was going on. It’s obvious to say this but she did not sleep that night. She went in the following morning where she was only admired after lunch and waited in a room full of pregnant excited mother’s to be. Luckily not everyone goes through something like this and no fault of their own that someone has lost a baby but why just why would you make a suffering mother suffer even more. Is it not bad enough that she knows that her daughter is dead she still has to sit in a room full of happy parents???? She was induced and the whole process took 5 days as her body wad rejecting the medication and she was not dilated enough. 5 days of pain, 5 extra days of suffering physical pain on top of all the emotional and mental pain. She was told no to cesarian as this is too expensive. After all this she is discharged and asks to be referred to someone who could help her deal with the pain like a counsellor and 1 and a half years later she is still waiting for an appointment. She is still waiting for the results of her daughter’s autopsy report. All she keeps being told is that it’s normal for these things to happen.

The amount of suffering that this woman had that could have been avoided if everyone was taught with how to deal with all this…

I feel for this lady, I really do. Losing Diego was bad enough but mostly everyone at the hospital was very kind and where prepared for something like that.

She said she really struggled with people’s comments. I can not stress this enough, if you don’t know what to say Please don’t say anything. Just stay quiet. Things like you’re still young or it’s better this way or you’re still ok so it’s fine, this does not help in the slightest. If anything it makes us angrier. So please I urge you don’t say anything if you don’t know what to say.

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